I’ve had some bad times
Lived through some sad times
But this time the hurtin’ won’t heal
You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille
Have you all ever heard the song Lucille? Songs like that one will stick in your head for decades, I swear. And now I’m living it to some degree, and it eff’ing sucks shit. I need to document what took place from 1998 until this hellish 2011, and here seems as good a place as any. Better than facebook, right? Having nearly 500 ‘friends’ over there makes it hard to open up, you know? So hang on tight and listen all about how I went from madly in love at 19 to nearly divorced at 32. Throw in Infertility, pregnancy losses, Obesity, weight loss, Fibromyalgia, BiPolar Disorder and a few other medical issues – oh, and bankruptcy complete with homelessness – and I have plenty of trainwreck to keep coming back. I am in survival mode right now…this cannot be allowed to break me. This time the hurting must heal.
May 1, 2011
That Girl
A Fine Time To Leave 
5 responses to “My life as a Kenny Rogers song…”
Boulder
May 1st, 2011 at 04:26
Glad to see you writing again, it will be so therapeutic for you to have a chance to write your thoughts without the needless judgments that were so prevalent in your 500+ world – to think some of those people were “family.” I think you’re better off hitting the keyboard here more anonymously and letting out what you need to get out. After all, it is your life.
Don’t forget either, that sometimes, simply writing in draft mode and saving it for yourself to process for a while isn’t all bad either. Particularly if it might hurt you in arrangements with the kids, etc. Sometimes just venting it from your thoughts feels like a relief, you know?
Katrina
May 2nd, 2011 at 05:33
Good points! Change a few names, a few details, maybe use a new email addy just for here. Be careful in the long term but vent baby vent!
Not Lucille
May 1st, 2011 at 08:44
Welcome, Boulder! Good to see you around here. 🙂
I defintiely think writing has always been theraputic for me, and FB got crazy to the point of the creation of a whole new, slimmer, account. Apparently I cannot handle when people are fighting about my life, even if I’m not included in the conversation!
Most definitely there will be drafts and things left out for the sake of the custody arrangements, but I want to make certain that I am honest to and about myself here. I have not been a perfect woman, wife or Mother and will accept responsibility for my actions and inactions. I just wish others could and would do the same to allow my closure to come without so much pain and self-doubt.
Boulder
May 2nd, 2011 at 03:44
You work on yourself – let the others get their kicks meddling in the lives of others. We all have our “noise” that comes from our choices or our past, and we have to make it work the best we can. Doesn’t mean it is easy, doesn’t mean it works the first time(s). It means we are imperfect works in progress. And progress comes with steps forward and slips back. Go in to your new life knowing you can still find happiness, quiet the noise of others and the past, and live a content life. Only time and some work are what separate you from landing there. And you have others to help prop you up when you need that catch in what feels like a fall.
Feel free to email me any time you’d like. Seriously.
Cori
May 23rd, 2011 at 10:20
Keep your chin up and hold your head high. Your babies are beautiful and so is their mamma. I know how difficult it is to see that when you are beaten down. HUGS!!